This week I took Ryanair again to go to Toulon in France. I was worried since last time I had taken the Irish company they had managed to have me to buy another ticket at the check-in because I had erroneously spelled my wife's first name when doing the booking.
I was therefore fully aware that a single mistake would generate a steep financial penalty. I had done the check-in in advance and printed the boarding passes having been warned that doing it at the airport would incur an extra £40 charge per person. To be honest, I'm not sure why they need a check-in process at all since there is no seat allocation. They could just collect all the required info upon ticket booking and issue the passes automatically. And forcing people to print those boarding passes seems like gratuitous harassment since most other airlines are happy to scan the soft copy from an iPhone or a Blackberry.
I had also made sure that none of us had any oversized hand-carry luggage and that the girls handbags would fit in those so that we would not exceed the one carry-on item allowed. I had purchased in advance the right to have my luggage carried in the plane not wanting to be charged an extortionate amount at the desk. Three suitcases of 15kg each. But for some reason I had assumed that having paid for 45kg worth of luggage, 2 suitcases, one of 14kg and and of 24kg would be fine. Obviously not. I was explained nicely but strongly that the extra 7kg in suitcase #2 would have be charged at £20/kg. Had those been in an other suitcase it would have been free. Got me!
Being nice the girl at the desk agreed to let me buy a suitcase instead of spending £140 in extra cost. This is where it helps to be early. I managed to find a suitcase store with a small suitcase on sale, found a scale where I was only charged 50p to weigh a suitcase and after transferring the 7kg of extra luggage into the newly purchased luggage, we were on our way.
The security process was another adventure. For some reason, even though we now know that we have to expect the worse, it's still a painful experience. The misery index during that process is sky high. You see people resigned as any attempt to complain would make it a lot worse. And you see airport employees doing work that they know is often useless trying to be polite while doing ridiculous checks. This time I was able to experience the process in more details.
At Stansted, they have what looks like a brand new scanning process that must have cost a fortune. So efficient that every other bag would be selected for manual checking. After the usual body check (for some reason I always ring even after having removed everything from my pockets... and no, I don't have a metal leg) I noticed that my bag had been selected for manual checking. I was lucky to be 10th or so in the line, so here I am, waiting for a bored attendant pretending to look for terrorists by checking toothpaste from old ladies. Yes, every time the issue was the same: some liquids not "conditioned" properly. The airport employee would then explain to the traveller the safety rules: all liquids have to be packed into one small plastic bag and it has to be sealed. Simple! Except when you have a perfume, a toothpaste, a shampoo
and some shaving cream ... With Ryanair charging for luggage, a lot of people had obviously decided to only take a carry-on. Now they were faced with the ultimate decision: which of those items to garbage? Granted the attendant would help, like suggesting to remove a box here, a cap there or showing how to cram items in the small bag without tearing it open (in which case you had to go find another bag while everybody else waits). I felt so sorry for those passengers. You could feel the anger and the frustration but just like in communist Russia no-one would dare complain or ask for the rationale of such a stupid policy.
Anyway, after a good 30 minutes, it was my turn. My problem was different: I had too many cables in my bag! I guess it's very unusual to have someone carry a laptop, a phone and a camera... I was very careful not to show any disdain during the whole process and I was on my way to the plane. Just in time, and lucky not to have to wait an hour in line just for the privilege of getting 3 contiguous seats. I guess I'm being too cheap but paying yet another fee just for that privilege seemed too much at the time. Maybe I should have.
Anyway, here I was, waiting in line while the priority passengers are boarding when this friend just calls. I hadn't talked to him in a while and I assumed now was as good a time as any. Then we start boarding the rest of the plane and here I was, continuing my conversation as I move ahead. As I reach the entrance of the plane, I can see the steward making signs that I need to turn off the phone. But my party won't stop talking. Trying to put an end to the conversation, I hear myself saying: "I'm sorry, I have to hang up since this thing might blow up the plane otherwise". Not sure why I said that but the effect was immediate: the first row burst out laughing and the steward turned livid. Had I insulted him he would not have been as furious. I could see him ponder whether to expel me from the plane altogether. But it was my lucky day, I moved on in silence and he did not say a word. Whew!
I know that running an airline is not easy and doing it while making a profit is even more difficult. The level of regulation leaves very little room for manoeuvre. But Ryanair has done a good job of inspiring a lot of self-inflicted hatred. The many testimonies at
I Hate Ryanair show that it does not have to be that way. I don't believe that low cost has to mean terrible experience. I have nothing against selling ads from any available medium, nor about negotiating kick-backs from destination venues. But I find it disingenuous to pretend to be the cheapest around when none of those cheap fares are available or if they are they come with some many strings attached that you always end up paying much more. A trip with Ryanair feels much more like a obstacle course than the start of a vacation and it's too bad I believe they could be as successful if they treated their customers with more consideration! Most people are happy to do things if they understand the rationale behind them and if they are shown some respect. But for some reason this is a foreign concept to the airline industry in general and to Ryanair in particular...